We met in 2009 and knew right away that this was a soul connection. Jenn had a 5-year-old son and Stephanie fell in love with him too! Life was GOOD! The three of us had tons of fun! Stephanie was just the playmate that Dear Son needed, scrambling through the forest, looking for treasures, while Jenn watched and sometimes joined in!
The Messy Middle
But, humans tend to show up with baggage and OUR blissful matching was no different. Stephanie brought a “Superhero Complex” feeling that she needed to be all things to all people. Jennifer was also a caregiver and “over gave” to her work, son and friends. We both had big fears about money. We lived in lack: not enough time, not enough love, not enough money. It got to be pretty miserable.
One extra piece of baggage was Jennifer’s physical health. She had been in a serious accident as a child, had a hip replacement before Dear Son was born and continued to struggle with chronic pain. A year or so into the relationship, Jennifer had a medical procedure that went badly and caused severe pain in her left leg and left her almost unable to walk. She was unable to return to work and spent the next several years mostly in bed with deteriorating health.
Stephanie’s Superhero Complex was in full swing already because of her over-anxious mind about being a parent and feeling the responsibility of a family for the first time in her life. She was always worried about not having enough money. She looked for extra ways to bring in income and save money (even though there was PLENTY). Jennifer’s injury made this even more pronounced. Stephanie stopped seeing Jennifer as a beloved partner and started acting like she was a patient to be taken care of.
Jennifer lost her purpose and sense of self and Stephanie’s over-caring didn’t help the situation. The baggage that each had brought along was activated! Jennifer felt “less than” because she could not work and Stephanie felt like she was a failure for not being able to support the family easily on her income. We both retreated into private worlds of silence and hurt. The baggage had worn us down. We withdrew into a barricaded world of our own, designed to keep us safe but really just left us isolated and alone.
The unraveling took a few years, but it happened. We broke up completely. It was hell. We both hit rock bottom.
But… in our separate spaces, we realized that we needed to get on living. We had a little boy who needed us to be strong for him, and show him how to navigate difficult situations.
So… we started healing Ourselves. Inside Out! We deepened our Spiritual practices and fell in love with our real Self and Life. We began to implement good boundaries, strong self-care and create healthier bonds with others. But remained estranged.
Jenn always wanted to reunite but Stephanie was adamantly opposed. She felt that we had already failed so why try again to only fail again…. The possibility of getting hurt again was too scary.
One night, in the wee small hours, Stephanie found herself seething with anger at Jennifer. And the next thought was “I am SICK OF FEELING THIS!” She could no longer live with it. She was in a prayer class and was inspired to write a prayer about the situation with Jennifer, which she did immediately. She asked for a shift in perception so she could forgive.
It was then that things began to change between us. We began to practice the healthy mindsets with each other in hopes of co-parenting as friends. It was a process which had moments of picking up the old vibe of shame and blame, but the mindset began to really shift. We had moved from:
Lack to Abundance Judgment to Forgiveness Isolation to Connection Fear to Love Scared to Sacred
Happily Ever After…
As the friendship blossomed, our hearts and minds opened to love again. We began to date and court each other. Now, when there are problems in our relationship we use our communication skills to share what is happening and listen and honor the other. We had always lived in lack, now we know that abundance is all around us. We don’t worry about bills and finances, we know that there is always enough. When fears arise, we can remind ourselves and each other of the Truth: Love is all there is and we need but shift our perception to know this to be true.
We found our happy ending!
We are now happily married and continue our daily practice of following the structure that we KNOW works to cultivate a loving relationship with each other and everyone in our lives. We are living the Holy Relationship knowing that Love Get’s Better Together.
We have identified a solid, 6 pillar formula for cultivating loving relationships that has worked for us and our clients and it will work for YOU!
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